A kick in the balls.

With the new year I've been endulging in activities I'd let slide of late. I started playing squash again last week, and very shortly after I was hit in the nuts by a squash ball. Which is something I've not done for ages. A long time since I was hit in the knackers. Many a moon since gonzo got whacked in the eyes.

When I was a kid it seemed to happen twice a week. What with other kids, bike cross bars, improvised swings etc, I was fairly accustomed to it. But these days it's a thankfully rare occurance. Men are very sensitive about their balls (obviously). I remember a drunken conversation where a friend said he would never be truly happy because he was never going to get the quantity or quality of sex he felt he was entitled to. As he was never gowing to grow some charm or good looks the only answer was to reduce his desire. I suggested castration. There he would be, intelligent, happy, sprightly and free of the testosterone which was giving him urges he could never hope to act upon. My friend didn't like the idea. "Couldn't I have an operation of the brain to lower my standards instead?" He said he'd rather have bits of his brain removed until he was not aware of and could not comprehend the existence of (for example) Kylie Minogue's Arse. He'd rather be a drooling moron, fiddling with himself over a stripping biro, than drop the veg.

Some people have only one. And this is seen as a bad thing - less balls, less man! Hence the song;

"Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler is somewhat sim'lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at"

But does the opposite apply? Is 3 balls even weirder, or is it the sign of the truly macho? Perhaps we should have added another verse;

"Churchill, he has got 14 balls.
Monty, has 25 in all.
Bader- fewer but harder
And mountbatten's often sat upon his haul."