Freak Show.

I heartily admit that I'm a man born after my time. I lke tweed. Heaven for me would simply be to wake up one day as Bertie Wooster. (This was actually what the first draught of 'Metamorphosis' was all about -"Gregor Samsor awaoke one morning to find he had been trasformed into an enormous Bertie Wooster.") Anyway, I have missed the time period I would most like to have lived through, and therefore my ideal career is closed to me. I will never be the ringmaster in a traveling carnival of freaks. Never will I hear the astonished gasps as I sweep back the curtain to reveal the bearded lady, monkey-faced boy or the three legged man.

I did think of starting an ironically bad post modern freak show. My friend Paul was to be the star turn, one of his eyes is a little bit blue and a little bit brown. He was to be billed as the amazing kalidescope boy. But at present even organising this is beyond me, so in the meantime, let me present...

The Worlds worst freak show, the cabinet of household anomolies...

Behold! The Siamese Spaghetti! Joined at the head (or is it the foot?) this unfortunate pair still manage to live a full and rewarding life.



But worst of all, prepare to witness the loathsome, twisted form of... The Elephant Cracker!


"I am not an elephant, I am a craker."

Oh the humanity!