Messing about in Boats.

Today's Long Live Comedy had the theme 'Messing About in Boats.' this was Al's idea and I've been wondering what to do. The picture, by the way is a guy who crossed the atlantic in that little boat- but I include it for pure comedy value. Is there anything funny about rowing? Of course their is; cox. And don't tell me that was a perfectly normal word when it was invented that only sounds rude nowadays. Knobs have been called cocks for thousands of years, they knew what they were doing. It also sounds like exactly the kind of purile student humour that might eminate from oxbridge youths.

But why not? It livens up the sport. The only reason anyone watches the boat race is for the possibility of hearing a respected anouncer say 'they're holding their cox over their heads.' They very nearly played the same trick again with punting. Other sports should do it. I suggest the shooters in netball teams should be known as 'norks', formula one cars be renaimed 'fannies', and tees in golf renamed 'jerks'.

'What sets this team apart are the amazing norks.'

'Well, of course over the years, the fannies have gotten smaller and smaller- it's amazing that the drivers can squeeze in at all.'

'They're just positioning their balls and getting read to jerk off.'

What else? The line 'messing about in boats' comes from the wind in the willows. What's your favourite bit of that book? When Mole wakes up at the start? The fight with the weasels? When Toad says 'toot-toot.'? Personally I like the bit when they go to find the missing otter child and find him in the arms of the great god Pan, who is standing stradling the entire river. It's in there, honest. Just not in the claymation version where David Jason does the voices.

Next GIG -LLC TONIGHT- PLEASE COME.