Through the time hole with Lord Caruthers-Worthington.

Here's a bit of what I did last Tuesday- It's a character I'm working on for a radio competition I might go in for...

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am lord Caruthers-Worthington and I come to you from the year 1843, Yes, I am a time master. and let me tell you how I came to be so. For years I have pondered the mysteries of time, hoping to know something of my own origins, for I was an orphan.

I was raised by nuns in the jungles of india. For they were feral nuns, lost in the jungle while converting the natives, they were raised by apes. In fact it was hard to be sure they were nuns, as they were completely naked and swinging from tree to tree.

The confusion was futher compounded by the fact that the gorillas had, themselves, been raised by rabits. There can be no more pitiful sight than a 400lb silverback mountain gorilla, startled by a tiny fox, attempting to flee down a 3 inch hole. Such was my upbringing.

But soon I learned something of my origins. On my 18th birthday I recieved a letter. Only 20 years later, as my 40th birthday approached I had mastered sufficient English to read it. This letter gave me a new name, the name Lord Caruthers-Worthington. This was a better name than the one the nuns had given me - Sister Maria Teresa, and was a vast improvement on the name the gorillas had given me - flopsy.

Also I learned that I was an Englishman and had therefore, figuratively speaking, won the lottery of life. Coincidently I had also won the actual lottery of life, and had gained a small fortune.

Returning to London I spent my time and my fortune trying to unravel the secrets of time travel. I longed to go to the past, find my parents and know my origins. After years of searching I found the secret, and, using a mixture of science, black magic and the mother of all laxatives, I managed to force open one of the universes time holes... "

Thrillin' aint it.

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TUESDAY LONG LIVE COMEDY AT THE DOG AND PARROT