Consumer society.

It's hard not to admit we are a stupid consumer society when you see the crap companies produce and someone, apparently, buys. Al Dawes told me they have finally brought out the 5 bladed razor, which I won't dwell on as we both agreed it will be in every hack comedian's repertoire by now.

On the side of my milk cartons I've noticed a money-off voucher for, get this, low lactose milk for lactose intolerant... cats. Now I'm sorry, but if a cat doesn't like milk it can Fuzz*. Right. Off.

Meow, can I have a bit of milky wilky pwease? But low lactose - I have a very dewicate tummy. And I saw some mice here earlier, do you think you could shave them? The fur aggravates my asthma.

People don't even understand why they are buying this stuff. Can anyone explain to me what's good about 'whole grain'? I predict that by this time next year one of the cereal companies will be saying 'Most cereals are made from whole grain - but we use only the best part of the grain, and we throw the rest away!'

Why do we just assume 'whole grain' is better? We don't assume 'whole pig' is better. 'Walls use only the whole pig in our sausages- brains, snout, trotters - you get every bit of the porky goodness.'

The 'proof' on why 'whole grain' is good is so tenuous too - the ads just say, 'People who eat whole grain tend to have healthy hearts.' It's a bit vague isn't it? So that study was basically;

Excuse me sir, do you eat whole grain?

Er, yes.

And do you have a healthy heart?

I, erm..

Well, you're walking about so it must be working. You don't have any shooting pains in your arm do you? No, right so Whole grain- tic, healthy heart -tic.

So it doesn't necessarily represent a scientific survey - but even so we still have the word 'tend' in there - 'People who eat whole grain tend to have healthy hearts.' Not all of them do, so someone actually keeled over before they got to the end of the questionnaire.

*The blogger spell checker doesn't know any rude words. - It actually first changed it to Fuji.

NEXT GIGS-
-MONDAY, BEAT THE FROG, MANCHESTER.
-TUESDAY AT THE DOG AND PARROT - IT'S EVERY WEEK NOW, REMEMBER? CHECK THE LINK TO LONG LIVE COMEDY.