The Language of Shakespear.

I've been reading (Actually listening to in the car thanks to audio books) 'Made In America', Bill Bryson's history of the English Language in America. It's full of funny little notes on old names and places, the vast majority of which I'll only remember when somone else mentions them. I've got a lot of facts in that portion of the brain that allows you to go, 'Oh yeah, I did know that!'five minutes afetr somone else looks clever by saying it first.

There were some great place names, the early, rough and tumble settlers filled America with Tit hills, knob creeks etc - though most were gentrified later. A name that stuck out for me was the town of Dead Bastard Pete, Iowa. I don't know if that's a good name for a town or not. On the one hand they had a bastard called Pete, but he's dead now so maybe that's a bonus. It reminded me that the only place I've seen a namesake of mine in a movie was in Hot Shots - the Top Gun spoof, which had a character called Pete 'Dead Meat' Thompson. He dies in it obviously.

I remember feeling a wave of irrational embarassment in the cinema. Having a famous namesake must be awful, I think there should be a somethingorotheraphobia - to describe the fear of someone who looks like you or has the same name suddenly becoming famous. Overnight, the first reaction everyone has to you would change. Take comic Chris Martin, a few years ago a perfectly normal name - now every idiot he meets says 'What, Like him out of Coldplay?'

Oh another thing from the Bryson book - the amish have a word for 'winnets'. I can't remember what it was, but the odd thing was he seemed bemused that they should want one. That's the difference between Americans and us (and the Amish) - they say, 'you don't need a word to describe bits of dry poo stuck to the botty hairs.' We say, 'No, we don't need it - but we want it.' - Philistines.

MONDAY 17TH APRIL -
THE STAND -EDINBURGH.

TUESDAY 18TH OF APRIL. 8.30 FOR A 9.00 START. -
THE 4TH 'LONG LIVE COMEDY'
THE DOG AND PARROT (UPSTAIRS)
-OPPOSITE THE CENTRE FOR LIFE, 2 MINS FROM CENTRAL STATION.
ONLY £2.