Fun and Games.

Last night's gig was... cancelled. So no rehersal before Edinburgh. Nevermind, it's not really a problem for me as I took the shorter 5 minute slot. I'll be doing the shortened version of the routine I did for the Chortle awards, which hasn't really had a proper outing since the Cumberlamd Arms where it went down well. If I've got to keep it under 5, then I can edit out anything short of guaranteed laughs. Shame I'm driving though, I hadn't realised it was on the bank holiday, other wise I would have looked into the cheap train and make a day of it option. If we're lucky it could be perfect '5 pints in the peartree beer garden' weather. But I am driving so I hope it pisses down.

No sooner do we get back than the next Long Live Comedy is on, and we still don't know what the competition's going to be. Last week's 'mixed up questions and answers'- (See the 'Who was Oscar Wilde' Entry) was OK but took a lot of explaining, and the answer sheet had to be passed round - punters couldn't just note down something funny when they thought of it, so I'm up for moving on to a new one. Here are some suggestions;

Complete the lyrics.
Quote a famous song lyric, but change it a bit...

'Loving you is easy cos you're rich.'

'tall and young and tanned and lovely, the girl from ipenema goes walking and when she passes, each one she passes goes...bloody hell, I'd give my right arm to have a go at that.'

plumber's/butcher's/policeman's songbook/movieclub/bookclub.
Nicked from 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' - a bit like the first one but themed.eg. for butchers;

steak rattle and roll.
steak cattle and roll.
steak cattle and sausage roll.-depending on how far you want to go.
liver and let die.
the little chop of horrors.
oxtail of two cities.

A yo mamma's so fat competition.
'yo mamma's so fat that the airline had to give her two planes.
'yo mamma's so fat that i drove round her and ran out of petrol_'
'yo mamma's so ugly that she has to put sausages round her neck to pet the dog.*
'yo mamma's so slutty she wears skis in the phonebox.'
'yo mamma's so slutty the fleet came in and an hour later they called for reinforcements.'

*This one is courtesy of Les Dawson, which made me realise that this is just the US equivalent of 'My mother in law's so..'So the only difference would be final presentation - If we go for 'Yo momma' then two of us will don baseball caps throw insults at each other. If it's 'My mother in law' one of us will wear a bow tie and frill fronted shirt and read them off with a pint of bitter in one hand and an elbow resting on the mic stand.

MONDAY 17TH APRIL -
THE STAND -EDINBURGH.

TUESDAY 18TH OF APRIL. 8.30 FOR A 9.00 START. -
THE 4TH 'LONG LIVE COMEDY'
THE DOG AND PARROT (UPSTAIRS)
-OPPOSITE THE CENTRE FOR LIFE, 2 MINS FROM CENTRAL STATION.
ONLY £2.