Pete does 'lad' stand up.

Still busy, hence nothing yesterday. But a gig tonight, and I might consider putting something like the following into it. Al's always saying his slightly 'blue' stuff always gets laughs, so I'll try it, thought it's a bit of a departure for me. -Actually it's not that bad at all - but by my standards this is pretty risque.

Women are always saying - 'God you're all the same.'
It's annoying isn't it. Yeah, it's true - but it's still annoying.
Cos there are certain things that all men will always do. I heard someone say, 'men can't resist kicking a can or a stone in the street. That's not true, some of us don't like football much, we can resist the urge. However, if we accidentally kick a stone on the path, and it ends up in front of us again, we will kick it again deliberately. I've kicked stones all the way home before. Didn't want to. But once you start, you've got to play the game. I've kicked stones home in the snow - the bastards get bigger. 2 hours later you're outside somone's house and the kids are asking why that strange man's kicking the shit out of frosty.
-All because you kicked a pebble in the street. Now, if a man sees a magazine blowing down the street, we will - without exception - have a quick look at it, just in case it's porn. If it's not, we're slightly disappointed. If it is, we will briefly consider picking it up and taking it to work. Hmmm, it's a bit muddy, might rub off on the patient records*.

But we will consider it. Cos most bloke's first glimpse of porn was finding some under a bush in the woods. We would go out and hunt for it, like blackberries. That's how much a 13 year old wants to look at a picture of some tits - he'll pull it out of a pile of damp leaves and pick the slugs off.

*I tried to think of the most in appropriate thing to put a soggy porn mag next to. 'Pope's will' was the best one, but it's too much of a surprise.

NEXT GIGS:

TUESDAY 11TH OF APRIL -
THE HORSES MOUTH @ BELLE GROVE HOTEL, BELLE GROVE TERRACE, NEWCASTLE.
-walk north up richardson road, east side of leazes park, it's on the left after 5-8 min walk from the trent house.

MONDAY 17TH APRIL -
THE STAND -EDINBURGH.

TUESDAY 18TH OF APRIL. 8.30 FOR A 9.00 START. -
THE 4TH 'LONG LIVE COMEDY'
THE DOG AND PARROT (UPSTAIRS)
-OPPOSITE THE CENTRE FOR LIFE, 2 MINS FROM CENTRAL STATION.
ONLY £2.