Euphemistically speaking.

First, Al tells me the Manchester gig is next week, 3rd of may. So we have two in a row again. This would be good for focus, two performances in a row could really sharpen up the second night- unfortunately I can't really do the same stuff each night, as the LLC has seen my main act - centered around my Brunel material.

Actually, that was at the first one, over 9 weeks and 4 shows ago, so maybe I can work on the old stuff, and some new bits to bring it up to 10 minutes. - I need to lengthen the bit because I still use a lot of musical stuff and I don't want to bring the guitar to Manchester before I know the territory. Will the soundman freak out because he doesn't have an extra lead? Will the promoter freak out because he doesn't have any patience for musical comedy?

Unfortunately I'm supposed to be doing links next show rather than an act, another reason why just practicing my 10 for Manchester won't work, but what the hell -we've got a light line-up next time so I'm sure I'll get away with it. Sod it, that's what I'm doing! If you're waiting for Billy Bob's cowboy antics you'll have to keep waiting.

As well as correcting me on the date, AL also made a good suggestion for the competition;

"I would like there to be a best euphemism competition. E.g. Trying to have sex whilst drunk - it was like putting marshmallows into a piggy bank."

This is a great idea. I'm going to work on the entrance slips at once. I plan to have a 'please tick one' area to indicate whether your euphemism describes;

wee wees.
plop plops.
women's unclean time.
thingy.

My own favorites are, respectively;

Point Percy at the porcelain.
Drop the kids off.
The Englishmen are disembarking (used by the French.)
The beast with two backs

- actually, that last one's not really a favorite, I'm just intrigued by it because it doesn't really make sense. Two people engaged in any activity have two backs, though I suppose connected in an act of rumpy they could be considered one 'beast' but even so, it still only has one back. Even if the bit where its stomach would be is made of someone's back, it's still the beast's stomach, because it's at the front. Backs are at the back - that's why they're called 'backs', as any fool know. Even if we consider the most straightforward of positions it should be -the four-legged beast with a back, and a front which looks like a back (and admittedly it's fairly arbitrary which one is which.)

TUESDAY 2ND OF MAY. 8.30 FOR A 9.00 START. -
'LONG LIVE COMEDY'
THE DOG AND PARROT (UPSTAIRS)
-OPPOSITE THE CENTRE FOR LIFE, 2 MINS FROM CENTRAL STATION.
ONLY £2.

WEDNESDAY 3RD OF MAY.
SOMEWHERE IN MANCHESTER.