Gig 65. Ooh Ar!

Handsome baby faced Pete, after 3 hours in make-up, as rough and ruddy son of the soil Ned.

Gig 65, back at York and the Black Swan and like last time I took the opportunity to have another crack at a character which is fun to do, but not the sort of thing I'd want to concentrate on - or could get away with at most gigs. It went like this...

Hello ladies and gents. I'm Ned, Ned nineacres, and I'm a farmer by trade. I'm from Deavon, or Cornwall, or possibly even Zummerzet. I don't really know to be honest. I suggest you listen to the agsent and make up your own mind. (cough) I'll just wet moi whistle. Ooh lovely drop o cider that. An you have to keep lubricated, don't want the old pipes drying up while I'm on stage. Oh, that reminds me. James, jim boy - how long am I on for... 5 minutes, 5 minutes... roight I'd better have another pint o cider then. oh, thanks jim lad. Better safe than sorry eh?

Well, as I said I'm ned and I'm a farmer, but I've always been interested in music, ever since i saw that woodstock on telly. And i thought, well, I've got a bit o land, oil have some o that. Only trouble was I didn't have much wood to speak of. There ain't been any real timber on my land in years. But i did have a stack o sticks. So i put on stick stack stock. An very popular it was an all. People came from miles around to see stick stack stock. It was a bit muddy that weekend though. Some people got stuck. If I'm honest there's still a few people stuck at stick stack stock.

We had some great acts though. We 'ad the 'oo. Noice lads. Good music, but I weren't so keen on the lyrics. Like that pinball wizard. That deaf dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball. The seemed amazed by that. But t the end of the day, it's just that ain't it. Just pressin' two buttons dead fast. I reacon i could do that just as well with me oise closed. I'm more impressed that he found his way to the arcade. there's a line in that song- 'he must play by sense of smell' -no lads, sense of touch, that's what he's usin' there. Of course the deaf, dumb and blind do compensate with an 'ighly developed sense of touch. If they bangs into a door they knows about it almost imediately.

...I had some bits about Hendrix and finished by doing songs, until I hit a phrase which sounded like Cider.

-When I've got better things on the other CIDER town.
-That wrigled and tickled and tickled in CIDER.
-Sit and drink Penny Royal Tea, distil the life that's in CIDER me.

Whereupon I would down a pint of the stuff.

I think this rather silly idea was the starting point for this character, but even though it's a good way to end it, it's not the funniest part of the routine. So still needs work, but this is probably one to pack away now and move on. But at least I have a recording which may be a podcast if it still sounds good when I review it in a few weeks.

Don't know if I mentioned it, but the podcast of my last York appearance is up- and you don't have to download it, just have a quick listen online if you want. See the link.