gig 16- New year in Egypt.

Well a reunion at the egypt with the usual suspects. I might as well start with the official North by Northeast comedy take on it, which was e-mailed round today.

"The horses mouth comedy night is back. Tonight and every Monday untill the ever after. The show will be hosted by your regular compere John Scott. There will be a packed bill every week. If you fancy a go yourself then why not come down to Newcastles only open mike sesion. DOORS8.00 PRICE£3.00/£2.00 student's concesionsVENUE THE EGYPT COTTAGE(next to the old Tyne Tees building)
also MACK EM LAUGH AT THE ROYALTY PUB SUNDERLAND DOORS 8.00p.m PRICE£4.00 COMPERE.MATT REED+SARAH MILLICAN AND BEN SCHOFIELD+SUPPORT....."

So it seems Monday at Egypt Cottage is pretty much a free for all, lots of comics doing lots of new bits, or running through their usual act to stay in practice, all held together by John. On the packed bill this week were:
Me
Christian Steele
Les Paul Marshall
A magic act, James.
A diabetic girl(I know because it was a big part of her act, she didn't slip into a coma.) - apologies for forgetting the name.
A pro-comedian friend of John's -ditto
Callum Cramb - finished off.

Stu behind the decks as usual and Al Daws in the audience - he'll be on next week.

Thinking about it I'll have to stop just listing names, as it's not really interesting - not even for those named. From now on I'll just mention people if I've got some particular coment about their act.

My spot was just a chance to go through the notes I've been scribbling down over the last 3 weeks, I admitted this as I went up, and even brought my notebook and pen to cross out anything they didn't like, this got a reaction so I started asking for marks out of 10. I did it just to be honest, I didn't want to present it as a conventional act, as I guessed a lot of it wouldn't work first time round. But everyone commented on how it was a great gimick, saying it should be a deliberate style. I'm not sure. I'm doing it to slowly improve, I think once everything starts getting over 7, I'll stop doing it - unless I keep a few bad ones in to keep up the pretence. Hmmm. Anyway - it seemed to make everyone warm to me, I don't want to get by on sympathy, but hey, it can't hurt.

Well, my plan is to do this for another month or so - keeping note of the reactions (I wish I'd taped last night) then do a longer set of the best bits - hopefully taking this to Sunderland if John thinks it's good enough. The only problem is that was 3 weeks of notes - I may not be able to come up with anything new by next week.

For the record here's what I did, and marks out of 10.

Genetic engineers aren't engineers, they might as well be genetic potters - nada. zip.wheeeeee thunk. (I meant to talk about Brunel and muttonchops and stove pipehats- maybe that would have improved it.)

A related bit about 'frankenstein food' actually sounding cool- a tick (the points system not yet working.)

No food with a face, If the chef can't be bothered to cut the head off, I'm not eating it. 5/10

Balamorey, what's the story, wouldn't YOU like to know. (Sarcastic kids TV) 7/10

Every letter is important, take the writer who thought of 'Casper the friendly Host' -2/10 -but I still love that one.

The end of the Hokey Cokey -WHOAAAAA! -Exhilerating, the closest thing modern man has to charging into battle -5/10.

I then did a longer but about Knighthoods, in my notes this is just one heading with 3 scores by it, Which I guess must have been given thus;

-Sir Terry Wogan, Sir Elton John etc -If dragons ever do come back we're fucked. 8/10

- I suggested it was unfair that rock stars had to have hits for 40 years to get honoured, while sports people get them young...Dame Kelly Holmes should come back when she's 60, if she's still bringing in the medals, then we'll talk.0/10

-a longer bit on the concept that in King Arthur's day the rule was -'If you expect to be made a knight you won't be.' - basically the absurdity that people suitable will inevitably suspect they might be knighted, and hence become inelligible. This got 5/10 overall, but was a bit long - I think clever use of the phrase 'You've pissed on your chips' saved it.

NEXT GIG -BACK AT EGYPT COTTAGE EVERY MONDAY, COME ALONG AND MARK MY HOMEWORK*.

*potential catch-phrase.