Comedy staples: ...and then I got off the bus!

Spoken word group New Word Order are having a Christmas party / gig. I'll be there doing a short set -7 minutes -ish, to show off the material I developed during their comedy workshops. Here's the e-mail they sent round:

"NEW WORD ORDER'S
END OF YEAR/CHRISTMASBASH!
SUNDAY 18TH DECEMBER
THE BRIDGE HOTEL, CASTLE GARTH, NEWCASTLE
7:30 for 8pm start!
£FREE!!
we'd like to invite all those who have graced our stage over the last 18months to come along and grace it again! Yes folks, we're gonna have a bit of a free for all! No running order, no set times, just come along and do ya thang! Bring your friends."

Yesterday I when I started talking about comedy staples / chestnuts, I said:

"By the way, this was all covered very well by Lee and Herring in a spot they called 'Lazy Comedy Whores.' - but I couldn't find a copy to cut and paste."

Well, I found one so today's lesson comes from the masters...


Stuart Lee: Comedians will never fail to surprise us with their inventive ways of doing the same pull back and reveal joke again and again. I will now demonstrate the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke.
(TURN TO CAMERA)

You know the other day I got so drunk. I woke up bare ass naked, sick all over me, I had a traffic cone stuck up my bum. I was in a state of priapic excitement ... and then I got off the bus aaaah.

Richard Herring: What? You were on a bus all along?

S That's right.

R I assumed you must have been at home on your own!

S No. I was on a bus.

R Wow! My expectations were confounded and from thence the humour arose!

S Indeed. Observe once more as I bewitch you all again. (TURN) The other day I was really badly constipated. I was straining away (GRUNT GRUNT) for about three hours, then finally I managed to release my bowel.... then I got off the bus.

R Ah ha! I thought you were in the toilet

S No! I was on a bus all along. (TURN) The other day I was indulging my own sexual pleasure in the sinful act of onanism. And then I got off the bus. Aaaaah.

R Yeah. That's happened to me a few times as well Stew. Embarrassing isn't it? I didn't want to get off the bus, but the police made me.

S Eh. I was joking?

R Oh. And me. Ha ha! Imagine that.

S Another good tip is to go aaah at the end of the phrase 'and then I got off the bus', as it gives the impression that you are moving on to a new piece of material, and flatters the audience by implying that they were clever to have spotted the joke so quickly.

R And then I got off the bus aaah. Right. Can I have a go Stew?

S No you messed it up last week...

R No, no, please...

S OK, go on.

R (TURN) I was on the bus the other day.

S I'm gonna have to stop you there.

R No, let me go with this Stu. I think I will confound you. (TURN) I was on the bus the other day, I got on at Balham, travelled two stops to Tooting, rang the bell... and then I got off the bus aaaah.. aaaaaah. Aaaaaaah. And then I got off the bus aaaaaah etc

S No. The fact you are on a bus has to be a surprise, in order to confound us. And the thing you're doing has to be something you couldn't imagine taking place on a bus.

R OK. OK I got it. I wasn't on the bus the other day. I was indulging in behaviour that you wouldn't expect in such a public place as a bus, because as I said I wasn't on a bus.... Then I got off the bus.Aaaaah. aaaaaah aaaaaah.

S No. For experienced scholars the And Then I Got Off The Bus joke doesn't even have to take place on a bus, it could be any public place... Other possible punchlines include - And then I was thrown out of the library aah, and then I got out of the toddlers' paddling pool aah, or the classic, and then I was sacked as head of the girls' boarding school biology department,aaah. That's right. I was one of the teachers!

R Wow! That was a double surprise! Brilliant!

MY NEXT GIG:
NEW WORD ORDER'S
END OF YEAR/CHRISTMASBASH!
SUNDAY 18TH DECEMBER
THE BRIDGE HOTEL.