Every Monday night, Egypt Cottage.

On Monday went to the Egypt Cottage near they Quayside In Newcastle. It was the first of a new comedy night run by John Scott (compare) and Gavin Webster (Frequent headliner). They also do every Tuesday at the Chillingham Arms, Byker and every Wednesday somewhere in Sunderland. John and Gavin are both great performers, but as I don't want this to get too long I'll concentrate on the new boys.

First up was Callum Cram who I know from the New Word Order workshop. (Last one this Saturday.) It was only his sixth gig but he's coming on great. Callum's a big lad (tall) so he has the advantage of instant stage presence and he's always moving so he really makes an impression. His material's pretty good too- he did a lot of stuff on his day job as a postie and he also talked about the TV show 'lost' -how he would befriend the fat one, find him a nice place in the sun for a nap, maybe offer him a tinfoil blanket to make sure he wasn't cold and then maybe drizzle him in mango juice. Hisssss! 'Like a giant KFC twister.'

Next was Al Daws on his 11th gig. Al's a big lad (fat) so he has the advantage (disadvantage?) of having some material he's expected to do. Yes, like a lot of portly comedians Al spends a lot of time talking about his weight.

"I went to the gym to get rid of the man boobs - but I've just built up a layer of muscle behind them that lifts and pushes them together- I've given myself a wonder-bra basically."

All this is fair enough- if Al didn't mention it then eventually some drunk heckler would.

(Check out Al's comments below for more info. I didn't mean to imply Al only talks about his weight - the problem with me writing (sort of) reviews is a. What the hell do I know? and b. I can't remember much of the acts anyway. I'm sure everyone remembers coming out of a show thinking 'wasn't that great?' but completely unable to remember any of it. Maybe I should start taking notes- but then I guess people will think I'm stealing their act.)

One (small) criticism that applies to both is that while more polished comics build to a natural ending, Al and Callum appeared to be working through a longer set and then just decided to stop halfway through and it can look apologetic, 'Ooh I've done ok so far, I'll get off while I'm ahead.' Mind you, I only noticed this at all because I would have liked to hear more and Callum was saving some material for next week. (He should be praised for not just repeating the same set.)

Anyway - alongside Callum next week is ME! Doing my first performance in a while- I'd better get cracking.

TIP- DON'T WORRY IF YOU NEED A CHECKLIST OR EVEN NOTES ON STAGE, LOTS OF PEOPLE USE THEM AND THE AUDIENCE DON'T CARE. WOULD YOU RATHER FORGET TO SAY YOUR BEST BIT?