gig 48. Children in Need (Gateshead.)

Sometimes I have to decide whether to count an appearance as an actual 'gig' or not. This is usually when I've done 2 minutes of introductions at the LLC and have to conclude it's not enough to count. Well this gig was 'not enough' but to discount it would be whitewashing over history. A pub in gateshead for a charity night, this was a tough gig. I feared it would be full of chavs- not quite that bad, but probably quite a few parent of chavs. They were friendly enough - no direct agressive heckles, but just didn't seem to go with anytthing, and too big a proportion weren't taking any notice at all. I couldn't believe how, even with the last act who was a great Irish comic who was also playing the hyena that night, people just weren't taking any notice. I watched the guy for the first 30 seconds, and you just know- this guy's good, whatever he says is going to be worth listening to. But most of the Park Lane regulars didn't agree. Oddly, even people who were apparently engrossed one minute would be chatting with their mates the next.

I've always felt you get out what you put in. I know not everyone gets this. I have a friend from school and uni who should have been my partner in a great band, but could never be arsed. But these people haven't grasped the concept far enough to know if you make the effort of shutting up for 5 minutes you might get the reward of hearing something more interesting than your own inane twitterings. I've just heard something on BBC7 about the rise of comedy in the folk clubs, which described the working men's scene as 'foot on neck' meaning to grab the audience you have to grab them fast and hold them steady while you deliver a stream of non-taxing gags.

Anyway, while I'm moaning about the gig, I can't be proud of my performance. Al said...

"Pete Thompson and Carl Hutchinson strode manfully onto stage, and both did their best, but by this point the crowd were talking amongst themselves, and I just couldn't get them to listen to the acts any more. I will learn the art of the compere, but I have a lot to learn."

Well what Al didn't mention was that, while Carl's best was ploughing on for nearly his 10 minutes, my best was wraping up after 3 minutes and calling it a day. Well, I had just done my 'vell, ve haff been expectink you!' line, and a daft German accent was as close as I get to pleasing this kind of crowd.

I must vow never to leave a stage early again. But I will acheive this not only by force of will but by turning down gigs which sound like mistakes in the first place.